Last Choice

I have lived a well-planned life. My mom used to tell me that I have my own decisions, ever since I’m a toddler. I choose what will I wear. I choose what will I eat. I choose anything and everything. Yep. My parents never win.

My student-self is as picky as my toddler-self. I grew old with a few good friends. I grew old with a few but definitely awesome-in-my-eyes wardrobe. I grew old with the hobbies that I truly enjoy. I grew old with a pre-determined path.

I’ll finish a degree of my choice, I’ll work at my dream company and then I’ll get to write my own love story. I’ll get married. I’ll have three kiddos, the eldest should be a boy then a girl and a boy again.

We’ll leave in a humble yet beautiful home with a grand terrace and a modern kitchen. We’ll have two cars, black for my hubby and white for me. We’ll have picnics. We’ll fight but we’ll reconcile. We’ll have our own happily ever after.

Those are just my wishful thinking. Because now, I am left with no choice.

Just last month, after I finally got my dream job, my plans were shattered, destroyed, wrecked, crushed, into tiny little pieces I can’t even recognize.

I have a big ‘C’. Stage four. Hopeless case. That I know.

No words of encouragement can make me believe that I’ll get better. Sorry, I’m not dumb.

I am left with nothing but this sickness that I have never ever planned to have.

My mind is quick, though. I still have one last option left.

Yes, cancer have destroyed everything that I have planned for. And it is destroying me, too, slowly but surely. But, I won’t let it win.

I’ll choose when will I die.

And that chosen date… is now.

11.04.2015
©2016 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer

Photo credit: mascontext
Originally written for Blogging University’s WRITING 101 Day 03 Assignment.
Advertisements

32 thoughts on “Last Choice

    1. maybe because this one is negative and tragic but i write a lot of tragic pieces too. I am not always energetic and optimistic in terms of how i write. my previous pieces will show that. and it actually is easier for me to write tragedies. nonetheless, thank you for reading and for your feedback.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Powerful piece Rosema. Yes, Cancer very much changes your plans and all you thought you wanted, could have. Disease in general does, but I know about the cancer because of one of my bestfriends who you know about. Sometimes I think the general options for treatment are worse on a person than the disease itself. On one hand, I think your character should live, he does not know the future and he could improve, give his loved ones more time with him. On then other hand, it’s not right he should suffer so long such pain or awful treatment. Maybe he wants to physically die, before his family remembers only remembers the shadow of himself. So yes, I get him wanting to die on this day he’s chosen.

    Sorry for the long comment. But it touched me, this piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. More about cancer needs to be expressed. We tend to ignore its constancy. It killed my parents, and I think I don’t live aware enough. The narrative expressed here resonates. We make our plans, and maybe we get to realize them. Then everything is brought up short because of this disease. Great, difficult, heartful work, sister!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh dear God, at first reading this I thought this was real and my heart just fell. Then I re-read it and saw the fiction tag and the wave of relief, Rosema! This was one of your most powerful pieces, written with such roots in reality that it toes the line between fiction and non fiction.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s