Confessions, ramblings, and everything in between

Over an hour. That is how long I have been staring at my screen flashing an unfinished article I should finish before the day ends.

Eight tabs. That’s how many articles and resources I have read to be able to start writing and get my mind do what it’s supposed to do.

Numerous words written and deleted. That’s how I have been trying (badly) to write and write and write.

But nothing. My mind is not at it.

Like a boat freely sailing, wandering, on the vastness of the endless sea, my mind seems to be here but nowhere, here but elsewhere. It would be ungrateful to say I feel like a criminal jailed to be stuck in my office chair but that’s how I have been feeling lately.

It took me years to land a job related to my course, Journalism. I have been here for almost three years now and yes, it is fulfilling, tiring, but exciting. But there are days when you want to be as free as a bird. To be a writer tucked under her blanket just reading and writing.

It might be because of age but lately, I have been yearning for a simpler life. A life in a quaint house, by the sea and near the forest where I can wander and wonder. A life without a rushed phase. A life not limited by deadlines. A life not commanded by corporate bosses.

But that kind of life, as simple as it may sound, is too expensive. Expensive because you need money while living a life away from the city and the 9-to-5 job. Because I have responsibilities, and I have a life that isn’t only about me.

It’s been almost two months since I released my debut book, and I am quietly wishing and praying for its success because I dream to be like Lang Leav. Living in New Zealand, writing. But the road to becoming like her seems foggy and bumpy. Am I losing faith? Maybe.

I may not be hungry to make millions for my book, but I am dreaming of living a life as a writer. A creative one. Not someone locked inside a corporate box. But then as the eldest daughter, I got to move. I got to earn. For the family.

How can I pursue my passion and provide for the family? That I have yet to find out. And yes, I am trying to knock doors and windows to turn my dreams into reality.

Like what Ms. Maya Angelou told me again last week, “All great achievements require time.” I need patience and endurance. But most of all faith.

Faith that my time will come. Faith that my book’s time will come. Faith that everything happens for a reason. Faith that no time is wasted. Faith in things I cannot see as of the moment. Faith that He is moving and guiding me.

Easier said than done, I’m trying. Every single day.

For now, let me get back and write the article I need to finish today.

 

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Twinkling Sky

The black blanket adorned with little twinkling lights stared silently as my gazing eyes let the pregnant, salty tears fall. My feet, soaked against cold knee-high flood caused by the constant battle between the moon and the earth, are both wrinkled and chilled.

Yet deep inside, my weary soul is wrapped with warmth— warmth after basking in the sea of hopelessness, warmth in a freshly found faith brought by those small stars which twinkles in sync with the beat of my tired heart.

If the mighty He made my tear-stained eyes see the stars’ sparkling beauty, He might also hear the fervent prayers of a little dot on earth called me.

Humans are under
the same changing, twinkling sky.
I am never alone.

©2016 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: Unsplash

In response to dVerse‘s Haibun Monday – Twinkle Twinkle by Toni of kanzensakura who also wrote about Night Sky!

dverse

Whether it is a childhood memory or a recent event, I would like for you all to write a one paragraph haibun ending it with a nature based haiku (remember, haiku are always about nature and haibun are always non-fiction).  Give us your heart, your humor, your expertise about the night sky….Whatever happened to you under a night sky from sunset to sunrise.

Monday Musings: On Struggling

Monday Musings

Start the week with some wise words worth pondering. – rosemawrites

Monday Musings is this blog’s newest feature. 🙂

Every Monday, I will share some wise words from the awesome books that I have read.

Here is my word-to-ponder for this week:

From: Dear John by Nicholas Sparks

Dear John

My thoughts: 

Dear John is not one of my Nicholas Sparks favorite, but that doesn’t make this novel less sensible.

I have chosen this quote because there have been points in my life that I thought I am the most luckless person.

For so many times, I was rejected. No one wanted to gave me a chance. I thought, “What have I done wrong?”

But to realize that every person has his/her own struggles brings comfort and promotes empathy.

You know your story. That was it. YOUR story. But yours is just one of the billions of stories of the world.

Realize that, always.

~