After My Demons Win

I let my demons win.
I let my soul forget
the love you bring.
I let envy reign in me.
I let insecurity
flood within me.
I let frustrations
erase Your actions.
I let my selfishness
blur my visions.

Almost an hour inside
my self-imposed asylum,
after I let depression
poison me like helium,
I run to You,
read Your words, my rescue.

You speak to my soul,
to my heart broken and tainted.
You softly whispered
“Bloom where you’re planted.”
You also added:

Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.

1 Timothy 6:6

My tired eyes begun
to well-up again,
with You I know my demons
will now be in vain.

Photo credit: Craft Hubs

My depressed post early this week may came as a surprise to most of you. I have killed a lot it this blog (I am guilty.) and have posted several depressing stories but NEVER in my personal posts. Until, that one.

I am naturally a blissful, optimistic person but the turn out of events last week have broken the leash I put around my inner demons. So they went out.

It was just almost an hour of depression inside our bathroom. After that I read my Daily Bread and He has spoken. His words made me better.

And.. yours too. From my heart please know your encouragement, your concern, your love held my spirits up again. ❤ Thank you so much Vijaya, PJ, Mandi, Judy, Dajena, Kay, Christopher, my M, Mel and Maria. You are all blessings. ❤


When My Demons Win

Tonight I will let my demons win. Go envy, speak yourself.

Ask why among my friends I have the lowest almost minimum-wage salary. Why it’s easy to increase theirs, but hard for me. I only want to provide for my family, to buy my mom some groceries, while my friends mostly spend their money on luxuries.

Ask why the most demanding but almost lowest paying account was given to me, while the new three clients were given to my co-worker. Why new opportunities are given to her, while my brain aches in my corner. Why while I am prompt and driven, no favor to me was given?

Tonight I will let my demons win. Go insecurity speak yourself.

Ask why my pimples won’t stop growing. He knows I have no money to buy clearing skin products, yet He lets me get uglier. Ask why I can’t lost weight. Even when I’m starving myself.

Tonight I will let my demons win. Go frustration, speak yourself.

Ask why does my sister fail a subject? He knows my meagre salary can barely save for her tuition but He let her fail and take summer class. It cost me more money, and her scholarship. Now I have to save more though I will not get more.

Tonight I will let my demons win. Go selfishness speak yourself.

Ask why is it easy for me to buy my siblings and parents’ clothes and shoes while my office wear are mostly my rich aunt’s hand-me-down blouse and skirts? Why can’t I buy books I wanted to read but easily purchase treats for my sibs? Why can’t I satisfy my wants even though I provide for my family’s needs?

Tonight I will let my demons win. Tonight I will let my tears fall. To defeat my demons I should let them out. To clear my eyes I should let my tears go.

Tonight I will let depression in. Tomorrow I’ll believe again.

Tonight I will let my demons win. Tomorrow I will defeat them again.