Confessions, ramblings, and everything in between

Over an hour. That is how long I have been staring at my screen flashing an unfinished article I should finish before the day ends.

Eight tabs. That’s how many articles and resources I have read to be able to start writing and get my mind do what it’s supposed to do.

Numerous words written and deleted. That’s how I have been trying (badly) to write and write and write.

But nothing. My mind is not at it.

Like a boat freely sailing, wandering, on the vastness of the endless sea, my mind seems to be here but nowhere, here but elsewhere. It would be ungrateful to say I feel like a criminal jailed to be stuck in my office chair but that’s how I have been feeling lately.

It took me years to land a job related to my course, Journalism. I have been here for almost three years now and yes, it is fulfilling, tiring, but exciting. But there are days when you want to be as free as a bird. To be a writer tucked under her blanket just reading and writing.

It might be because of age but lately, I have been yearning for a simpler life. A life in a quaint house, by the sea and near the forest where I can wander and wonder. A life without a rushed phase. A life not limited by deadlines. A life not commanded by corporate bosses.

But that kind of life, as simple as it may sound, is too expensive. Expensive because you need money while living a life away from the city and the 9-to-5 job. Because I have responsibilities, and I have a life that isn’t only about me.

It’s been almost two months since I released my debut book, and I am quietly wishing and praying for its success because I dream to be like Lang Leav. Living in New Zealand, writing. But the road to becoming like her seems foggy and bumpy. Am I losing faith? Maybe.

I may not be hungry to make millions for my book, but I am dreaming of living a life as a writer. A creative one. Not someone locked inside a corporate box. But then as the eldest daughter, I got to move. I got to earn. For the family.

How can I pursue my passion and provide for the family? That I have yet to find out. And yes, I am trying to knock doors and windows to turn my dreams into reality.

Like what Ms. Maya Angelou told me again last week, “All great achievements require time.” I need patience and endurance. But most of all faith.

Faith that my time will come. Faith that my book’s time will come. Faith that everything happens for a reason. Faith that no time is wasted. Faith in things I cannot see as of the moment. Faith that He is moving and guiding me.

Easier said than done, I’m trying. Every single day.

For now, let me get back and write the article I need to finish today.

 

Alarm

the noisy alarm dings,
like the starting bell of boxing,
another fight,
another day,
begins.

with the routine task
of waking,
eating,
commuting,
working,
eating,
working,
commuting,
eating,
sleeping,
repeat,
repeat,
repeat,

may I not lost
my value,
my worth,
my purpose,
my dreams,

under the haystack
of mundanes
in the world of
routines,

before my life’s
final alarm
rings.

I wanna go where the mountains are high enough to echo my song
I wanna go where the rivers run deep enough to drown my shame
I wanna go where the stars shine bright enough to show me the way
I wanna go where the wind calls my name

05.31.2017
©2017 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo via Unsplash

April Coffee Date

Hello, my darlings! 🙂 I just figured that the last coffee date I posted was last November. (ugh).

I so missed doing this, so please grab a chair. 🙂 I prepared a cuppa coffee, tea, or beer (if you want. :D)

CALM MARCH

Finally, after epic roller coaster monthssssss, March has been so kind to me. 🙂 I was able to write for my two favorite prompts:

I was also able to join several tags (which I loooved a lot! :D) I miss doing Three Line Tales though. 😦

HOPEFULLY KINDER APRIL

With the summer kicking off, I am hoping April will be as kind or even kinder to me! 😀 Because I want to continue with dVerse and FFfAW plus, I signed up to NaPoWrimo! (Except the weekend prompts because I am mostly offline on weekends. :()

BOOK UPDATE

Finally, I plan to do the TITLE REVEAL of my upcoming debut book this month. 🙂 (It’s been months since I started with this project and I am excited to share this with you, guys! <3)

It’s your turn! What are your writing/blogging/anything plans for April! Will you join NaPo, too? 😀

 

The Rule of Eleven (aka The Blue Sky Tag) Part 2

After answering the 11 witty questions via The Rule of Eleven (aka The Blue Sky Tag) from Jade her blog, my dear NJ joined in the fun and answered my questions! 😀 And to keep the getting-to-know-you posts, I will answer NJ’s questions too!

So…

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  1. What is your name and the name of your blog? Why did you choose it as your blog name?

I am Rosemarie Gonzales of A Reading Writer. My author name is R.C. Gonzales. My friends here fondly call me Rosey or Rosema or Rosemarie. (any will do :D)

A Reading Writer is a result of a random thought that struck me when I was thinking of a blog name. I do not want to try hard, thus, I resort to a simple phrase that constitutes my prominent interests, reading and writing.

It should have been A Reading Writer Who Sings, because I am a singer as well, but I thought that would be too long. I choose the article ‘A’ instead of the ‘The’ as I am not a ‘The’ yet. 😀

  1. What, according to you, is your best quality? Why is it so?

For me…. *thinking*… I think it will be my being kind? I always get the comment that I am sweet but for me, I am just kind. There are too much hate and sadness on earth so I want to stay kind as much as possible. 🙂

  1. Choose a movie that describes you and tell us how?

Tough question. HAHA. Hmm… I would pick Still Alice. It is an empowering story about a woman with Alzheimer’s and the main message is to make each moment count. And that is what I am trying to do. 🙂 (P.S. This is based on a novel by Lisa Genova and it is a great read, guys! :))

  1. What’s your favourite dessert? And why?

Cheesecake!!!! Because I looove cheese and I loooove cakes and when you combine them we’ll get, tadah! Cheesecake! 😀

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  1. Are you a forest or a beach person? What is it about your choice that you like?

Beach! There is something calming about the cerulean sky and the deep sea. The way the waves hugs the shore. The way the birds sing. The way the sun sets as if it is being eaten by the sea…. (there. :D)

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  1. If you were born as a tree, which tree would you pick? And why?

I want to be a wisteria because it bloooooooms and ages beautifully. ❤

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  1. If today was your last day, name one person you’d like to say something to? What would you tell him/her?

I would like to say I love you and thank you to my parents. 🙂

  1. Which is your favourite childhood game?

It would be………….. scrabble! 😀

  1. If you could be an inanimate object, which would you pick? And why?

I want to be a pen! Because it’s a weapon that cannot kill but can breathe life back!

  1. What is your favourite mode of travel?

Buses! It is where I do most of my writings. 🙂 (I wrote about it here.) 🙂

  1. Who is your 3AM person? And why?

For now it is myself. But someday, *with dreamy eyes* I hope to share my 3AMs and beyond while ceaselessly sharing thoughts and banters with that someone. (Where are you? I’m waiting…)

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That’s all for now.

Please participate if you want. 😉

Note: Photo and gifs are not mine. 😉

The Rule of Eleven (aka The Blue Sky Tag)

And my darling Jade of the ever-lovely blog named after her tagged me recently with The Rule of Eleven (aka The Blue Sky Tag)And because I consider her one of my bestest far-away-friends, I treat her tag as a friendship card which I have no choice by to accept and comply. (super smiling emoji because I am kidding. :D)

So here are my answer to her 11 witty questions:

1. Pick one of your scars. What’s the story behind it?

I have an invisible scar on my chin which is only visible when I do some weird facial expressions. 😀 I am an “accident prone” kid (and teen and adult. Some things doesn’t change, I think) and the scar is a result of a bad fall when I was in third grade.

I was walking and then tripped on someone’s foot and the first part that hit the rough ground was my chin. (YEP.) I cried like mad for hours (because I am darn afraid of blood and yeah, it’s painful!) and my teacher was compelled to call my mom for rescue. 😀

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2. What is the most random thing you’ve ever watched on TV?

The latest random thing I’ve watched was the CNN documentary about Melania Trump. (DISCLAIMER: I am not a fan of his husband. ;))

3. How did you meet your best friend?

I met my sisters/best friends when I was in college. We were classmates in all subjects and we got along so well because (1) we love to eat; (2) we don’t know how to dress up; (3) we don’t know how to put up make-up and (4) those three are still us until now. 😀

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4. If you were to go to the movies by yourself, what movie would you watch?

I would watch a cute chick flick because I have never ever watched a horror movie. If I would watch one alone no one would know I am dead. 😀

5. If you could pick any celebrity, dead or alive, to play you in a movie, who would you pick?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I want to be Anne Hathaway. Because eep. She is gorgeous inside out! (Plastic surgery will be part of the package? HAHA)

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6. Where is your favorite place to go on a weekday afternoon when you have no plans or obligations?

I stay under a tree near my aunt’s home with a verdant green view made of swaying grasses and floating pond water lilies.

7. What’s your favorite cheesy pick-up line? (Come onnn, I can’t be the only one who likes cheesy pick-up lines!)

Er. -_- HAHAHA. I would pick the pick-up line I wrote:

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8. Have you ever danced in the rain?

I did! And sing and dance actually. 😀 😀 😀 (quite a performer. HAHA)

9. You are designing your perfect pizza. What would it be?

Cheese. Meat. Cheese. Meat. and some more cheeeeese! 😀 (yep. A mouse. :D)

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10. If you had to be named after a city, state, or country, what would your new name be?

Nami (for Nami Island in South Korea) because it is my dream destination and Nami is also a Japanese word which means divine. (am i? HAHA)

11. Pick a fellow blogger. Describe that person in 5 words.

Of course I’d pick you, Jade! ❤ and here are my 5 words:

She’s definitely beautiful, inside out!

There you go! 😀

So instead of tagging anyone, I would like to spread this fun tag to ALL of you! And here are my 11 questions:

1. Describe yourself in ONE word.

2. When and why did you start blogging?

3. Is there a person that you look up to? Who is it and why?

4. What’s the perfect pair for a book, is it coffee or tea?

5. Aside from blogging, name one activity that you truly enjoy.

6.  In your bucket list (or if you will have one), what country/place will be on your top spot?

7. Do you have a phobia? What is it?

8. What’s the weirdest wish/hope that you have secretly said?

9. What is your favorite season and why?

10. What is that one book that touched you in a very special way?

11. What’s your favorite song lyric? Why?

I would love to know more about youuuu, guys! ❤

Note: Photo and gifs are not mine. 😉

Spring Bud

I smell how the supposed sweet, summer aroma turned into a chilling winter scent as I watch how her soft, smooth skin turns from blushed pink to lifeless violet. I listen to her frail heartbeats, silently begging, pleading, helpless against her quite incoming death.

With a tear-stained face, my mouth utters its own prayer as I hold my almost dying newborn sister. With my shaking arms, I wrap her little body and hope my warmth can give life to thee like the spring sun’s kiss to a frozen naked tree.

My little spring bud
is now a blooming flower.
Death, love can conquer.

02.07.2017
©2017 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: Unsplash

In response to dVerse‘s Haibun Monday Ekphrasis and Haiga by Björn Rudberg (brudberg).
Today I would like you to write a haibun on any subject that you like. but you should illustrate it with one picture, and let picture prose and haiku complement each other.

P.S. This haibun is a recollection of a scene which happened six years ago when I held my almost dying sister. Today is her 6th birthday and she is still with us. ❤

dverse

She is Me

She has seen thousands dusks and dawns
kissing crawling winds combing lawns.

She has felt sweet spring and harsh winters
clothing her heart’s ever resilient chambers.

She has lived more than two decades,
with turning time she swayed and swayed.

With the love and life she’s ready to give and take,
she knows she will not cease to create and be created.

01.24.2017
©2017 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: Kazi Mustakim  ❤

Crossing (Her) Bridge

Sweaty, cold hands grip the cold rails,
agonized eyes stare at her almost fading trails–
footprints of all she has done,
mud piles of all her missed fun,
holed-patches of all she has lost,
unturned stones of her dreams still at frost.

Waiting lungs heave one deep, deep breath,
shaky foot finally decided to take its first step–
towards a foggy future she has yet to know,
towards a misty tomorrow no crystal ball can show.

With a hoping heart cloaked with lit-up love,
with a warrior soul armored with fearless faith,
she runs and crosses her own unsteady bridge,
away from her yesterday’s oh, so useless weights.

01.12.2014
©2017 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: Unsplash

In response to dVerse‘s Poetics: Abridged Version by the beautifully-hearted lillian.
Note: This is what happens when your 25th birthday is less than two weeks away. 😉 And it is fascinating that my last dVerse-inspired poem is also about bridges. ❤ 

dverse

Hello, 2017! Miss You, Friends!

And so in between a hard-core editing session with my boss, I am writing this post after I visited some of you,  who are close, close, close to my heart, and I almost, almost cried because I miss everyone!

I know I am nine days late but here’s to a lovely 2017 for everyone!!! 🙂

Thinking about 2016 makes me nostalgic and melancholic. I have lost someone I thought I would be keeping forever but I am happy, don’t get me wrong. 🙂 It’s just that last year has been a rollercoaster ride. So the holiday break was spent hibernating, like 12 to 15 hours sleeping. (Er. HAHA)

And when I came back at work this month I was swaaaaaaaaaaaamped with work. Sigh.

So… I hope to be back regularly my dearest ones! ❤ I miss you, you, you, all of you!

I have to make this month kinda a treat because this month is my birth month too!!! (Er. Getting older. HAHA)

See you, my darlings! ❤

Miss youuuu a lot! I hope to be back!

Sending hugs and love your way,
Rosema

 

 

To the man I once sang “If You’re Not the One”: A Personal Letter

To the man I once sang “If You’re Not the One”,

More than six years ago, beneath the hot summer sun, in front of our church mates and childhood friends, with the old yet still working videoke, I entered a song and sang it for you– If You’re Not the One by Daniel Bedingfield.

It’s the song of my heart. The song of my heart for you on that very moment.

We are not even together then, but my heart hopes it is you who I will have for my life. I don’t believe in forever. But I believe in every waking day with you.

I wish to grow old with you. I hope to marry you. I pray it’s you, no one else.

Fast forward six years and all that we have been through. There are great days. Days when I love you more than the word love can carry and define. Then there are bad days. Days when I am too tired choosing to love, to understand.

Now, there are more bad days than good days. Mostly, we’re just okay. Not happy. Not sad either. Just okay.

For how many times have we been on the brink of ending. Like we’re both on the edge of a cliff, barely hanging, barely breathing, barely loving, ‘cause our love is undeniably dwindling.

There’s a throbbing ache as I wrote this. A feeling of a stubborn stone stocked inside my throat. But then, for all it’s worth, I am grateful. For what we had, what we still have, and for what we will lose.

Love, I have learned is more than a feeling. It is a phenomenon. A ceaseless journey. An experience filled with cheesy cloud nines and hurtful hells.

I have learned, experienced and basked in this strange sea with you. I don’t regret any bit of it. I now know, you are not the one, but you loved me at my worst and I loved you at your worst. That’s the essence of the love we had, we still have, and we don’t have anymore.

For me, that is more than enough.

With love,
Rosema

11.05.2016
©2016 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: Unsplash

P.S. Yeah. Each word is from my heart. ❤

In response to Monday Morning Melts #1: Daniel Bedingfield – If You’re Not The One. A prompt I am co-hosting with my dear friend Jade! ❤

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Here are the 4  easy steps:
  1. Create and share a post inspired by the song-lyrics-prompt for the week. A post can be anything: a poem, a fiction, a six-word tale, or even a photo. Whatever inspires your muse.
  2. Linkback/create a pingback to this post. Here is a quick tutorial on how to do it.
  3. Tag your post with MondayMorningMelts, so we and  your co-bloggers will be able to read/see your take on the prompt. Here’s how you create tags.
  4. Most important of all, read and comment to your blogger friends (old and new found, we’ll never know).😉