i am still here

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i am still here,
juggling balls named
work, poetry, and life.

i am still here,
trying hard to tally
the shifting of day and nights.

i am still here,
working ceaselessly to support
those who matter.

i am still here,
resuscitating the heart
of a hopeless dreamer.

i am still here,
lurking in between the blank pages
filled with waiting words.

i am still here,
discovering and hunting
this fleeting life’s worth.

i am still here
to write, to breathe.

i hope, you are
still there.

10.25.2017
©2017 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo of me in Phuket, Thailand

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ending agony (WQW)

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I’m participating (finally) for the first time to my dearie Jade‘s Writer’s Quote Wednesday (WQW) and my first quote is from the Still I Rise woman, Maya Angelou and her words that have been “the force” that pushed me to write this blog almost three years ago. (Woah! Time flies! :D)

In my first post, Agony published August 28, 2014, I quoted her and said:

“It has been eight years since I dreamed of having a blog. Something I can call my own. Honestly, I have fears of bashers and grammar Nazis. People who might critique my write-ups. People who might oppose my opinions. Yes, it took me those long years to have the courage to publish my thoughts, my views and my what-not’s. Now it will be all available for the viewing and reading netizens. I am now ready for either praises or rejections, for either wow! or boo!, for anything that this blogosphere has in store for A Reading Writer like me.”

I closed the first post with: “Now my agony has ended.”

Fast forward almost three years after pressing that publish button, I am clearly far from the blogger who I was before. I’m just a reader before. A book reviewer. A fangirl of Nicholas Sparks and Mitch Albom and Jason Mraz and Sara Bareilles.

Now, I am still a reader. Still a fangirl. Still a dreamer. But now, a poetess (or I assume I am :D), a self-published author of my first baby “Between My Bleeding Lines” (a struggling one for that matter), a writer by profession and by hobby.

Has the agony ended? In telling my story, not yet.

For each day opens up a new poem. A new story. A new blank page. A new clean slate. A new struggle. A new battle. A new courage. A refilled bottle of bravery.

To write.
To live.
To dream.
To breathe (words).

For there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

Let’s breathe some more, shall we?

soul’s song

i wanna go where the mountains
are high enough to echo my song

song of the soul ceaselessly
gearing up to be strong,
strong enough to not
always try to belong,
belong to the world filled
with hazy right and wrong,
wrong or right, i just want
to live as if life is not long,
long enough to think
my tomorrows are like birdsongs,
birdsongs– sweet yet fleeting, soothing yet fading,
like the echo of my soul’s song.

08.16.2017
©2017 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo via Unsplash

Picked India Arie’s India’s Song:
I wanna go where the mountains are high enough to echo my song
I wanna go where the rivers run deep enough to drown my shame
I wanna go where the stars shine bright enough to show me the way
I wanna go where the wind calls my name

In response to Poetics: Musical Muse by  Mish
Today for Poetics, I am asking you to choose some lyrics, preferably one line from a favorite song and grow your own poem from it.
dverse

what if?

as death is as normal as birth,
one day my ink will meet
its fading the end.
what if this poem is my last?
what if? what if?
what last lines would i want to leave?
what if? what if?
what final rhymes would i want to breathe?
what if? what if?

would i want to write
a heartfelt villanelle
to glorify the God
who made me well,
to thank the imperfect
yet loving parents
who compensated money with
their love and presence?

would i want to write
a throbbing aubade
to the he’s whom
i have loved?
fill every stanza
with bitter farewells
and warm kisses
they have forever missed out?

would i want to leave
a sweet, sweet sonnet
to the one man
who’ll have me last,
stamp every rhyme
and every line
with the promise of meeting again
inside heaven’s confines?

or would i want to leave
a freely flowing free verse,
about a life well lived
in better and in worse,
etch my last words
with gratefulness
and contentment,
for either way, i’m blessed.

what if this poem is my last?
i think i would be smiling if
this poem would be my parting gift
to those who have loved me
and i have loved unconditionally.

if this is the end for me and my poetry,
then i will park my pen,
beside my final lines and rhymes,
and then, rest peacefully.

08.02.2017
©2017 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo via Unsplash

sneaked in some time to post this poem after my looong hiatus. the lines:

what if this poem is my last?
what if? what if?
what last lines would i want to leave?
what if? what if?
what final rhymes would i want to breathe?
what if? what if?

are inspired by a poem by Davy D. i have a big event (at work) tomorrow and i dropped by to tell you all guys that I miss WordPress because of you all. as soon work calms a bit, i’ll go back. ❤ please don’t forget me. 🙂 Much love!


In response to The End paul scribbles.
This evening I want you to think about ‘THE END.’
dverse

Confessions, ramblings, and everything in between

Over an hour. That is how long I have been staring at my screen flashing an unfinished article I should finish before the day ends.

Eight tabs. That’s how many articles and resources I have read to be able to start writing and get my mind do what it’s supposed to do.

Numerous words written and deleted. That’s how I have been trying (badly) to write and write and write.

But nothing. My mind is not at it.

Like a boat freely sailing, wandering, on the vastness of the endless sea, my mind seems to be here but nowhere, here but elsewhere. It would be ungrateful to say I feel like a criminal jailed to be stuck in my office chair but that’s how I have been feeling lately.

It took me years to land a job related to my course, Journalism. I have been here for almost three years now and yes, it is fulfilling, tiring, but exciting. But there are days when you want to be as free as a bird. To be a writer tucked under her blanket just reading and writing.

It might be because of age but lately, I have been yearning for a simpler life. A life in a quaint house, by the sea and near the forest where I can wander and wonder. A life without a rushed phase. A life not limited by deadlines. A life not commanded by corporate bosses.

But that kind of life, as simple as it may sound, is too expensive. Expensive because you need money while living a life away from the city and the 9-to-5 job. Because I have responsibilities, and I have a life that isn’t only about me.

It’s been almost two months since I released my debut book, and I am quietly wishing and praying for its success because I dream to be like Lang Leav. Living in New Zealand, writing. But the road to becoming like her seems foggy and bumpy. Am I losing faith? Maybe.

I may not be hungry to make millions for my book, but I am dreaming of living a life as a writer. A creative one. Not someone locked inside a corporate box. But then as the eldest daughter, I got to move. I got to earn. For the family.

How can I pursue my passion and provide for the family? That I have yet to find out. And yes, I am trying to knock doors and windows to turn my dreams into reality.

Like what Ms. Maya Angelou told me again last week, “All great achievements require time.” I need patience and endurance. But most of all faith.

Faith that my time will come. Faith that my book’s time will come. Faith that everything happens for a reason. Faith that no time is wasted. Faith in things I cannot see as of the moment. Faith that He is moving and guiding me.

Easier said than done, I’m trying. Every single day.

For now, let me get back and write the article I need to finish today.

 

Alarm

the noisy alarm dings,
like the starting bell of boxing,
another fight,
another day,
begins.

with the routine task
of waking,
eating,
commuting,
working,
eating,
working,
commuting,
eating,
sleeping,
repeat,
repeat,
repeat,

may I not lost
my value,
my worth,
my purpose,
my dreams,

under the haystack
of mundanes
in the world of
routines,

before my life’s
final alarm
rings.

I wanna go where the mountains are high enough to echo my song
I wanna go where the rivers run deep enough to drown my shame
I wanna go where the stars shine bright enough to show me the way
I wanna go where the wind calls my name

05.31.2017
©2017 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo via Unsplash

April Coffee Date

Hello, my darlings! 🙂 I just figured that the last coffee date I posted was last November. (ugh).

I so missed doing this, so please grab a chair. 🙂 I prepared a cuppa coffee, tea, or beer (if you want. :D)

CALM MARCH

Finally, after epic roller coaster monthssssss, March has been so kind to me. 🙂 I was able to write for my two favorite prompts:

I was also able to join several tags (which I loooved a lot! :D) I miss doing Three Line Tales though. 😦

HOPEFULLY KINDER APRIL

With the summer kicking off, I am hoping April will be as kind or even kinder to me! 😀 Because I want to continue with dVerse and FFfAW plus, I signed up to NaPoWrimo! (Except the weekend prompts because I am mostly offline on weekends. :()

BOOK UPDATE

Finally, I plan to do the TITLE REVEAL of my upcoming debut book this month. 🙂 (It’s been months since I started with this project and I am excited to share this with you, guys! <3)

It’s your turn! What are your writing/blogging/anything plans for April! Will you join NaPo, too? 😀

 

The Rule of Eleven (aka The Blue Sky Tag) Part 2

After answering the 11 witty questions via The Rule of Eleven (aka The Blue Sky Tag) from Jade her blog, my dear NJ joined in the fun and answered my questions! 😀 And to keep the getting-to-know-you posts, I will answer NJ’s questions too!

So…

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  1. What is your name and the name of your blog? Why did you choose it as your blog name?

I am Rosemarie Gonzales of A Reading Writer. My author name is R.C. Gonzales. My friends here fondly call me Rosey or Rosema or Rosemarie. (any will do :D)

A Reading Writer is a result of a random thought that struck me when I was thinking of a blog name. I do not want to try hard, thus, I resort to a simple phrase that constitutes my prominent interests, reading and writing.

It should have been A Reading Writer Who Sings, because I am a singer as well, but I thought that would be too long. I choose the article ‘A’ instead of the ‘The’ as I am not a ‘The’ yet. 😀

  1. What, according to you, is your best quality? Why is it so?

For me…. *thinking*… I think it will be my being kind? I always get the comment that I am sweet but for me, I am just kind. There are too much hate and sadness on earth so I want to stay kind as much as possible. 🙂

  1. Choose a movie that describes you and tell us how?

Tough question. HAHA. Hmm… I would pick Still Alice. It is an empowering story about a woman with Alzheimer’s and the main message is to make each moment count. And that is what I am trying to do. 🙂 (P.S. This is based on a novel by Lisa Genova and it is a great read, guys! :))

  1. What’s your favourite dessert? And why?

Cheesecake!!!! Because I looove cheese and I loooove cakes and when you combine them we’ll get, tadah! Cheesecake! 😀

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  1. Are you a forest or a beach person? What is it about your choice that you like?

Beach! There is something calming about the cerulean sky and the deep sea. The way the waves hugs the shore. The way the birds sing. The way the sun sets as if it is being eaten by the sea…. (there. :D)

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  1. If you were born as a tree, which tree would you pick? And why?

I want to be a wisteria because it bloooooooms and ages beautifully. ❤

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  1. If today was your last day, name one person you’d like to say something to? What would you tell him/her?

I would like to say I love you and thank you to my parents. 🙂

  1. Which is your favourite childhood game?

It would be………….. scrabble! 😀

  1. If you could be an inanimate object, which would you pick? And why?

I want to be a pen! Because it’s a weapon that cannot kill but can breathe life back!

  1. What is your favourite mode of travel?

Buses! It is where I do most of my writings. 🙂 (I wrote about it here.) 🙂

  1. Who is your 3AM person? And why?

For now it is myself. But someday, *with dreamy eyes* I hope to share my 3AMs and beyond while ceaselessly sharing thoughts and banters with that someone. (Where are you? I’m waiting…)

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That’s all for now.

Please participate if you want. 😉

Note: Photo and gifs are not mine. 😉

The Rule of Eleven (aka The Blue Sky Tag)

And my darling Jade of the ever-lovely blog named after her tagged me recently with The Rule of Eleven (aka The Blue Sky Tag)And because I consider her one of my bestest far-away-friends, I treat her tag as a friendship card which I have no choice by to accept and comply. (super smiling emoji because I am kidding. :D)

So here are my answer to her 11 witty questions:

1. Pick one of your scars. What’s the story behind it?

I have an invisible scar on my chin which is only visible when I do some weird facial expressions. 😀 I am an “accident prone” kid (and teen and adult. Some things doesn’t change, I think) and the scar is a result of a bad fall when I was in third grade.

I was walking and then tripped on someone’s foot and the first part that hit the rough ground was my chin. (YEP.) I cried like mad for hours (because I am darn afraid of blood and yeah, it’s painful!) and my teacher was compelled to call my mom for rescue. 😀

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2. What is the most random thing you’ve ever watched on TV?

The latest random thing I’ve watched was the CNN documentary about Melania Trump. (DISCLAIMER: I am not a fan of his husband. ;))

3. How did you meet your best friend?

I met my sisters/best friends when I was in college. We were classmates in all subjects and we got along so well because (1) we love to eat; (2) we don’t know how to dress up; (3) we don’t know how to put up make-up and (4) those three are still us until now. 😀

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4. If you were to go to the movies by yourself, what movie would you watch?

I would watch a cute chick flick because I have never ever watched a horror movie. If I would watch one alone no one would know I am dead. 😀

5. If you could pick any celebrity, dead or alive, to play you in a movie, who would you pick?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I want to be Anne Hathaway. Because eep. She is gorgeous inside out! (Plastic surgery will be part of the package? HAHA)

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6. Where is your favorite place to go on a weekday afternoon when you have no plans or obligations?

I stay under a tree near my aunt’s home with a verdant green view made of swaying grasses and floating pond water lilies.

7. What’s your favorite cheesy pick-up line? (Come onnn, I can’t be the only one who likes cheesy pick-up lines!)

Er. -_- HAHAHA. I would pick the pick-up line I wrote:

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8. Have you ever danced in the rain?

I did! And sing and dance actually. 😀 😀 😀 (quite a performer. HAHA)

9. You are designing your perfect pizza. What would it be?

Cheese. Meat. Cheese. Meat. and some more cheeeeese! 😀 (yep. A mouse. :D)

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10. If you had to be named after a city, state, or country, what would your new name be?

Nami (for Nami Island in South Korea) because it is my dream destination and Nami is also a Japanese word which means divine. (am i? HAHA)

11. Pick a fellow blogger. Describe that person in 5 words.

Of course I’d pick you, Jade! ❤ and here are my 5 words:

She’s definitely beautiful, inside out!

There you go! 😀

So instead of tagging anyone, I would like to spread this fun tag to ALL of you! And here are my 11 questions:

1. Describe yourself in ONE word.

2. When and why did you start blogging?

3. Is there a person that you look up to? Who is it and why?

4. What’s the perfect pair for a book, is it coffee or tea?

5. Aside from blogging, name one activity that you truly enjoy.

6.  In your bucket list (or if you will have one), what country/place will be on your top spot?

7. Do you have a phobia? What is it?

8. What’s the weirdest wish/hope that you have secretly said?

9. What is your favorite season and why?

10. What is that one book that touched you in a very special way?

11. What’s your favorite song lyric? Why?

I would love to know more about youuuu, guys! ❤

Note: Photo and gifs are not mine. 😉

Spring Bud

I smell how the supposed sweet, summer aroma turned into a chilling winter scent as I watch how her soft, smooth skin turns from blushed pink to lifeless violet. I listen to her frail heartbeats, silently begging, pleading, helpless against her quite incoming death.

With a tear-stained face, my mouth utters its own prayer as I hold my almost dying newborn sister. With my shaking arms, I wrap her little body and hope my warmth can give life to thee like the spring sun’s kiss to a frozen naked tree.

My little spring bud
is now a blooming flower.
Death, love can conquer.

02.07.2017
©2017 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: Unsplash

In response to dVerse‘s Haibun Monday Ekphrasis and Haiga by Björn Rudberg (brudberg).
Today I would like you to write a haibun on any subject that you like. but you should illustrate it with one picture, and let picture prose and haiku complement each other.

P.S. This haibun is a recollection of a scene which happened six years ago when I held my almost dying sister. Today is her 6th birthday and she is still with us. ❤

dverse