To the man I once sang “If You’re Not the One”,
More than six years ago, beneath the hot summer sun, in front of our church mates and childhood friends, with the old yet still working videoke, I entered a song and sang it for you– If You’re Not the One by Daniel Bedingfield.
It’s the song of my heart. The song of my heart for you on that very moment.
We are not even together then, but my heart hopes it is you who I will have for my life. I don’t believe in forever. But I believe in every waking day with you.
I wish to grow old with you. I hope to marry you. I pray it’s you, no one else.
Fast forward six years and all that we have been through. There are great days. Days when I love you more than the word love can carry and define. Then there are bad days. Days when I am too tired choosing to love, to understand.
Now, there are more bad days than good days. Mostly, we’re just okay. Not happy. Not sad either. Just okay.
For how many times have we been on the brink of ending. Like we’re both on the edge of a cliff, barely hanging, barely breathing, barely loving, ‘cause our love is undeniably dwindling.
There’s a throbbing ache as I wrote this. A feeling of a stubborn stone stocked inside my throat. But then, for all it’s worth, I am grateful. For what we had, what we still have, and for what we will lose.
Love, I have learned is more than a feeling. It is a phenomenon. A ceaseless journey. An experience filled with cheesy cloud nines and hurtful hells.
I have learned, experienced and basked in this strange sea with you. I don’t regret any bit of it. I now know, you are not the one, but you loved me at my worst and I loved you at your worst. That’s the essence of the love we had, we still have, and we don’t have anymore.
For me, that is more than enough.
©2016 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
P.S. Yeah. Each word is from my heart. ❤
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