Confessions, ramblings, and everything in between

Over an hour. That is how long I have been staring at my screen flashing an unfinished article I should finish before the day ends.

Eight tabs. That’s how many articles and resources I have read to be able to start writing and get my mind do what it’s supposed to do.

Numerous words written and deleted. That’s how I have been trying (badly) to write and write and write.

But nothing. My mind is not at it.

Like a boat freely sailing, wandering, on the vastness of the endless sea, my mind seems to be here but nowhere, here but elsewhere. It would be ungrateful to say I feel like a criminal jailed to be stuck in my office chair but that’s how I have been feeling lately.

It took me years to land a job related to my course, Journalism. I have been here for almost three years now and yes, it is fulfilling, tiring, but exciting. But there are days when you want to be as free as a bird. To be a writer tucked under her blanket just reading and writing.

It might be because of age but lately, I have been yearning for a simpler life. A life in a quaint house, by the sea and near the forest where I can wander and wonder. A life without a rushed phase. A life not limited by deadlines. A life not commanded by corporate bosses.

But that kind of life, as simple as it may sound, is too expensive. Expensive because you need money while living a life away from the city and the 9-to-5 job. Because I have responsibilities, and I have a life that isn’t only about me.

It’s been almost two months since I released my debut book, and I am quietly wishing and praying for its success because I dream to be like Lang Leav. Living in New Zealand, writing. But the road to becoming like her seems foggy and bumpy. Am I losing faith? Maybe.

I may not be hungry to make millions for my book, but I am dreaming of living a life as a writer. A creative one. Not someone locked inside a corporate box. But then as the eldest daughter, I got to move. I got to earn. For the family.

How can I pursue my passion and provide for the family? That I have yet to find out. And yes, I am trying to knock doors and windows to turn my dreams into reality.

Like what Ms. Maya Angelou told me again last week, “All great achievements require time.” I need patience and endurance. But most of all faith.

Faith that my time will come. Faith that my book’s time will come. Faith that everything happens for a reason. Faith that no time is wasted. Faith in things I cannot see as of the moment. Faith that He is moving and guiding me.

Easier said than done, I’m trying. Every single day.

For now, let me get back and write the article I need to finish today.

 

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The Coming Out

Come out courage,
fuel nervous mind.
Come out hope,
help tired soul stand.

Come out joy,
pick body out of bed.
Come out faith,
paint dull world red.

Come out love,
slice heart open and bare.
Come out muse,
spill words mouth can’t say.

 

©2016 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: Unsplash

In response to dVerse‘s Opening to the Muse–dVerse Quadrille #16 by Ms. Victoria C. Slotto who also wrote her own piece here.

dverse

This morning, I spent some time reflecting on how important it is to be open to whatever comes our way. We have our goals, our bucket lists—hopefully. But life doesn’t always cooperate, loves to tease us with a curve ball now and again. From that little reflection, the word OPEN has been playing in my mind and so I’m choosing it for this week’s Quadrille.

Twinkling Sky

The black blanket adorned with little twinkling lights stared silently as my gazing eyes let the pregnant, salty tears fall. My feet, soaked against cold knee-high flood caused by the constant battle between the moon and the earth, are both wrinkled and chilled.

Yet deep inside, my weary soul is wrapped with warmth— warmth after basking in the sea of hopelessness, warmth in a freshly found faith brought by those small stars which twinkles in sync with the beat of my tired heart.

If the mighty He made my tear-stained eyes see the stars’ sparkling beauty, He might also hear the fervent prayers of a little dot on earth called me.

Humans are under
the same changing, twinkling sky.
I am never alone.

©2016 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: Unsplash

In response to dVerse‘s Haibun Monday – Twinkle Twinkle by Toni of kanzensakura who also wrote about Night Sky!

dverse

Whether it is a childhood memory or a recent event, I would like for you all to write a one paragraph haibun ending it with a nature based haiku (remember, haiku are always about nature and haibun are always non-fiction).  Give us your heart, your humor, your expertise about the night sky….Whatever happened to you under a night sky from sunset to sunrise.

Disenthral

21

Disenthral: A Deten*

I’ve lived
so happily
inside your own dark world,
without a desire to be freed
really.

I did
tried to break free
against your harsh brute words
but I failed like a wilted seed,
badly.

Mind lead
weak heart fin’lly,
they fought for my own worth
and burned your spell like a wild weed,
I’m free.

©2016 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.

Photo credit: Unsplash.com

Word Inspiration: Sarah Doughty of Heartstring Eulogies (Thank you, Sarah!)


*The Deten has a unique rhyme scheme. It was created by Johnn Schroeder and can be found at Poetry Base.

The Deten is:

  • a 15 line poem made up of 3 cinquains.
  • meter at the discretion of the poet. Iambic pentameter is suggested, but tetrameter or sprung rhythm would also work. It might interesting to use the Crapsey Cinquain syllabic frame 2-4-6-8-2.
  • rhymed abcab decde fgcfg.

Ephemeral

18

Ephemeral: An Eleventh Power*

Someone shattered your fragile heart with sweet lies,
someone freed the inner demons you keep inside,

someone left you without answering your whys,
someone laughed hard without seeing that you cried,

someone belied your efforts and many tries,
someone neglected your presence in one stride,

they dug hollow holes inside your once tough soul,
the suffocating pain’s like a burning coal.

As you transformed from whole to a broken piece,
remember those someones who denied your right to bliss,
pain’s ephemeral, you’ll be back, I promise.

©2016 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.

Photo credit: Unsplash.com

Word Inspiration: Sarah Doughty of Heartstring Eulogies (Thank you, Sarah!)


*Eleventh Power

Eleventh Power is an invented stanzaic form introduced by Christina Jussaume who requests the subject be uplifting.

The Eleventh Power is:

  • stanzaic, written in any number of 11 line stanzas.
  • syllabic, 11 syllables each.
  • rhymed, rhyme scheme abababccddd or ababababccc.

Heart’s Voice*

Af0sF2OS5S5gatqrKzVP_Silhoutte

Let your words
say nothing but thanks.
Let your heart
beats nothing but love.

©2016 Rosemawrites@A Reading Writer. All Rights Reserved.

Photo credit: Mayur Gala


In response to Daily Post: Voice

*My heart is currently badly broken by the death of Courageous Caitie. She is a 3-year old Filipina who has been diagnosed with a very rare type of blood cancer. Her family flew from the Philippines to Singapore to have a concrete diagnosis, as no local doctors were able to identify her illness.

I have been following her story. Her parents’ faith is admirable amid the pain they are going through. But above all, I am in awe of Caitie’s courage. She is tough for a three-year old kid.

Now ,she is on God’s loving arms. No more pain. But my heart is still breaking, especially for her mom.

I can never grasp how painful it is to lose a kid you have reared for nine months. I can never ever understand that.

All I can offer now is prayers.

Please offer some for them, too?

Thank you!

 

Faith

three day 3 quotes

“For your life to be great,your faith must be bigger than your fear.” ― Robin S. Sharma, The Saint, the Surfer, and the CEO: A Remarkable Story about Living Your Heart’s Desires


Step up,

move up,

leap out,

jump out,

though

you’re

unsure

where

your feet

will land.

Photo credit: Quote Fancy

My sweetest thanks to the three lovely writers — Ishma of Ishma Imroz, Jade of Jade M. Wong and Heena of Heena Rathore P., for nominating me! 🙂

RULES OF THIS CHALLENGE:

  1. Post three consecutive days
  2. You can pick one or three quotes per day
  3. Challenge three different bloggers per day

MY THREE NOMINEES FOR TODAY ARE (my new followers):

  1. Michnavs
  2. Lisa
  3. Vincent

Thank you for following me.

I hope you enjoy this challenge, too! 🙂

~

Agony

It has been eight years since I dreamed of having a blog. Something I can call my own. Honestly, I have fears of bashers and grammar Nazis. People who might critique my write-ups. People who might oppose my opinions. Yes, it took me those long years to have the courage to publish my thoughts, my views and my what-not’s. Now it will be all available for the viewing and reading netizens. I am now ready for either praises or rejections, for either wow! or boo!, for anything that this blogosphere has in store for A Reading Writer like me.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

Now my agony has ended.