For some reasons, a year ending has never made me reflective. I always feel like my heart is sprinkled with pastel joy from December until the first few days of January. It is the time of rest, no, not really. It is the time of doing and travelling a lot, but not for salary, but for dear friends and family.
When the calendar leaf shifts from the last month of a finished year to the first one of a fresh new one, this is when I drown in nostalgia and melancholy. This is when I pause and ponder. This is when I sink into this familiar abyss of the unknown drowning me with questions like what have I done, what will I do next, why did I do this, how should I do this, how can I do this, and more.
As steady as the ebb and flow of the sea, my overthinking overpowers me every January. Perhaps because it is my birth month. Perhaps because it is another clean slate. And how carefully we carry things that are new and shiny, right? But perhaps, this feeling of being lost will be sweeter when the answers are found. This soft petal of fear will bear fruit as my roots sink deeper into this life’s fleeting ground. Perhaps.
Endings breathe restart,
these feet hang high yet again.
A new tough seed cracks.
—
We ponder the imponderables at the beginning of a new year. I love your tough seed cracking. In growing things, we see hope – the endless cycles of death and rebirth.
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That is true, Sherry. We really do that. Thank you for your kind words. If I may, happy 2020 to you.
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overthinking is a curse … I prefer to declutter and plan … thanks for the insight
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I have to do that instead of overthinking indeed. Thank you, Kate!
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helps me 🙂
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That’s great. How do you stop overthinking? 🙂
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mainly by meditating but other distractions will work too …
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oh that is a good idea! Thank you, Kate!
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my pleasure 🙂
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❤ ❤ ❤
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Enjoyed your writing. 🙂
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I am grateful you do. Thank you!
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You are welcome. 🙂
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🙂
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Deepening the ponder to get to life’s answers, this is just precious. Happy New Year. Thanks for dropping by my blog
Much🎆love
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It is precious and hard as well, I think. 🙂 It was my pleasure, Gillena. A blessed new year to you!
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My reflective period begins every April. It’s when I sit down and evaluate where I’m at and where I’m going with God in the center of course. A blessed 2020 to you and yours! 💙
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Oh that’s interesting. May I know why April? 🙂 May this decade be blessed for you, dear!
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For me, April is when the year begins and when I turn one year older so it tends to be more reflective than the beginning of the year.
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It goes the same with me, Diana. Thank you!
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You’re welcome!
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❤
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Oh I can relate to this. Just so happens that January is my birth month too hehe. 😀
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Ay, look at that! 😄
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I, too, read because I write because I read … and I read hope in your words, gratefully received!
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Thank you so much, Beverly. Have a blessed 2020.
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I think it’s great the holidays are a “pastel” time for you (cool word to use) for enjoying family and friends and the time, overall. Then one can reflect and get all thoughtful, mopey, what have you. I can chide myself for not doing more, but I know I’m not doing nothing. You do a great deal, sister. I know that, and I hope you can appreciate that, too.
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You noticed the little things, brother, and for that I am really really grateful. Thank you for your reassuring words. I am reading your poems — the breaths of your heart — and I know you are doing a lot, as well. Inside. ❤
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Oh there is nothing harder than to begin… I think how painful it must be for a seed to burst open.
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Yes. I think it takes so much energy from that tiny seed to let the first pair of leaves out.
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This time of year does feel like the last whirlwind before we settle down into a quiet couple of months.
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Yes. You captured the feeling so nicely, Ms. Jade. Thank you so much!
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You’re very welcome.
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🙂
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Apologies for the late reading. I posted mine….then got to the chore of packing etc as we flew to San Diego yesterday from Boston and are now here in a rental for two months to escape some of Boston’s winter.
I enjoyed your haibun very much….most especially these words: “And how carefully we carry things that are new and shiny, right?” It’s true…when something is new we treat it carefully….enjoy its newness. There is so much to be done with this new year…..so many ways to turn the prism to look at this year and see positives and see what needs refocusing.
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that is so true, Lillian. please no apologies. and please know i am grateful of how the specific line of this piece has resonated with you. 🙂
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