A Look Back to Move Forward

blue wooden door

It’s almost two in the morning, I am supposed to be sleeping, probably paddling through the river of dreams this night has to offer. My eyes are sleepy, my body at less than 5% of mortal battery, still I get up, still I write.

The soul would never let this wee hours — when the road outside closed itself to the roars of the rubber tires; when even the nocturnal insects have stopped their midnight jam; when good nights were said, when the world is quiet — be wasted without spilling what’s inside it. Why?

Because today is my birthday.

The nanosecond gap in between two different years has never made me pause, reflect, and think. But my birthdays, oh they never fail.

So tonight, if you have reached this part, forgive my grammar and spelling mistakes, please bear with me as this soul speak out through the method it has always loved — writing.

Perhaps the restlessness roots from the milestones this new year has to offer for me. I am turning 27, and perhaps 2019 is my year of bravery.

This year I will move out not just from my the comfort of my house, but from the land and water territories of my motherland, The Philippines. This year, I will be doing a milestone which for others might be too soon, but for me, is it His time.

This year is the year of changes. Major ones. To say they are not scary is hypocrisy. When I have sometime to think and pause (which rarely happens nowadays), doubts creep in. Did I decide right? Can I really do it? Am I worth their trust? Did I dive too early?

Deep inside I still feel that what I am trying to do is bigger than who I am, greater than what I can, beyond what I used to do.

But that itself is the miracle of it all.

This year is the year of bravery where the old rooms of fears must be locked, securely and tightly, and the keys of them buried six feet deep.

There is no space for fear. There are a lot for faith.

And I write this to remember that yes, my old-self you were afraid. Yes, you probably will fail (both big time and small time). Yes, you probably might cry, get frustrated, reach that brink of giving up.

But you, you must remember that when you heard the first gong of this war, you already  declared bravery, you claimed declared faith.

This ocean might be too deep for someone who cannot even swim in a lake. But you are in a ship where the captain is He who made you.

“Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God.”

Look back. But don’t forget to move forward.

Published by areadingwriter

I read because I write. | I write because I read.

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14 Comments

  1. Happy Birthday Rosema girl! I hope you have a wonderful time celebrating are spoiled and that you enjoy the rest of your 20’s. I’m so excited for for your big move. Can I ask are you traveling or where are you moving to? Is it for work? Writing? Or just something you always planned to do? You are so brave and talented, I have no doubt you will do well in life. Sometimes you might be lonely or it might be tough, but you’ve strength in God and in yourself. I think the verse goes “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength” and in another verse God says he has plans for us to “prosper” ,so I know despite the difficulties, there are great & wonderful blessings, which lie ahead for you too. Have fun and spend time being free and young too. I don’t think you’ve ever much had that opportunity. Congrats my friend I’m so proud of you & Happy Birthday again 🙂

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    1. A sweet smile is on my face as I read your thoughtful comment, dear Mandi. Thank you so so so so much for the reminders and the sweet wishes. ❤ I will try to balance the grit and the fun, as you've mentioned. HAHA. I'll tell you more in private message. 😉 Thank you so so so so so much! God bless you!

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  2. Happy Birthday again, Rosema! I love the message of bravery throughout this post. Yes, this year will hold many significant changes to your life and yes that can all be scary, but I am in awe of your bravery to tackle all those changes head on anyway 🙂 I wish for only the best for you this coming year and all the years after!

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  3. You are the bravest of hearts I have ever had the pleasure of meeting (hopefully soon in reality too). And I am sure no matter what, you will continue to be brave. Weakness is a strength itself. It shows that you are human, that you don’t mind the tears, you don’t mind the negative thoughts telling you you’ve lost or there’s no hope. Because I know that you will power through those weaknesses and find your strength getting stronger and continue marching on.

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