Endings and Beginnings (2017 Edition)

Oh, what a rollercoaster you have been, 2017?

The leaves of this year’s calendar is all but gone. With Sara Bareilles “December” playing on my background, with the lyrics:

Distill a whole year down into a day
Act like we all start over with a pristine slate
But to get yourself a new life you’ve got to give the other one away
And I’m starting to believe in the power of a name
‘Cause it can’t be a mistake if I just call it change

let me try to write about this crazy year and what I hope for the next.

The text cursor keeps on blinking, my mind keeps on trying to find the beginning of this post. Where should I start?

So… January 2017 I turned 25 (which I kind of talked about in this poem). It is like 1/3-life-crisis as I remember asking myself, “What have you done? What have you finished? What have you created that you should be proud of?”

It’s a crazy state of asking questions no one can actually answer. So in the end of it all, I let it be. (I’ve been so good at letting things be this year. Not sure if that is good or bad though.)

After the milestone birthday, blog world has been silent while I pour all my energy on Instagram. The camaraderie of the poets there reminded me of how it was here on WordPress, when I was just getting acquainted with my poet-self. I remember being around the awesome group of poets who grew and learned with me. Until one by one they left.

Come May, I released my first poetry collection, Between My Bleeding Lines

BLEEDING LINES

It was exciting to see your words printed and published with a lovely cover by my dear Sarah Doughty. I have honestly no high hopes for this one, and true to “what you think will happen, happens”, it did not soar. Does it matter?

It will be a hypocrite answer to say, “No, book sales doesn’t matter.” Because it does. Who wouldn’t want to hit it big in the first try? Who wouldn’t want to be like Lang Leav and Rupi Kaur? Of course, I do. But I’ve got no expectations and maybe has so little faith. And it showed. It doesn’t make the journey of birthing a book a little less exciting and fulfilling, though. 🙂

Publishing is an uncharted sea I was able to try this year. While the reward isn’t as fruitful, the lessons I learned and the people that made the baby book possible are enough rewards for now. 🙂

In between the hullaballoo of the release and the consistent posting on Instagram, are work tasks which eventually lead me to another “first” of the year which happened last October! My first airplane ride, my first beach experience, and my first out-of-the-country travel trip! (Thailand! :D)

20171012_112933

And 2017 won’t let itself end without a bang as after I went to Thailand for a client’s event, a new job was waiting for me. I was accepted. Considering the family and not myself, I have to accept. Here we go. I have to dive into another uncharted sea.

In between these milestones, I have loved and I have lost. I have given a second chance, and right now, I think that battle is another war that I’ve lost. I want to believe that I’m a brave and not a coward soldier, who knows when to give up. ‘Cause I’m laying down my sword and my armour, it’s time to let people go.

Apologies for such a melancholic post, but believe me, I have a tired heart filled with hope. Like a badly wounded soldier, I’m dusting off my knees and cleaning my wounds.

I am ready for 2018 and the amazing ride it will bring. I am ready to swim the strange sea. I am ready to love and be loved again. I am ready to write and try and try again. I am not at my best position right now, but it doesn’t mean it won’t get better.

It is far better to start the year on bended knee, for that’s the best time to call to the mighty He. I know He will be with me.


HAPPY NEW YEAR, everybody!

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47 thoughts on “Endings and Beginnings (2017 Edition)

  1. This is a lovely post. I wish you all the best for 2018.
    I too feel more of the community on instagram – i have followed you there!
    And you book looks and sounds wonderful! I have searched it out and will definitely be buying a copy!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’ve accomplished a lot in 25 years Rosema. Congratulations on everything. Your words bring me to the lyrics of an old sung by late Debbie Reynolds (Carrie Fisher’s Mom.) The Song is called ‘Que,Sera Sera”
    “ Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be / The futures not ours to see / Que Sera Sera.” What happens happens, what will happen, will happen. Wishing you a Happy New Years Rosema!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Awwww, sweetie. I can’t believe I missed out on all the happenings! But I am so so so proud of you and everything that you do. Your precious heart will take you to places you’ve dreamed of, hun. Just trust yourself and I hope that 2018 takes you on a beautiful journey ♥️♥️

    P.S. I promise to catch up with you soon. Will tell you then why I’ve been so AWOL as well. Love you loads, my sweetie. Stay blessed always 🤗🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My dear Rosema, keep your head up high. I am very proud of the risks you took this year, the lessons you’ve learned, and just how much you’ve grown!

    Regarding your book baby—as much as you would like to be the next Lang Leav, no matter how hard you try, you will never accomplish that goal. You know why? Because you are the first Rosemarie Gonzales. And that, my friend, makes ALL the difference. You are talented and you are strong and you are capable of achieving everything you dream. Don’t let anything or anyone tell you otherwise.

    I hope this year brings you much happiness and many more reasons to smile ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This brought tears to my eyes, dearie Jade. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being there. For staying. For being there. For being a constant encouragement. Thank youuuu! May 2018 be blessed and blissful for you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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