Confessions, ramblings, and everything in between

Over an hour. That is how long I have been staring at my screen flashing an unfinished article I should finish before the day ends.

Eight tabs. That’s how many articles and resources I have read to be able to start writing and get my mind do what it’s supposed to do.

Numerous words written and deleted. That’s how I have been trying (badly) to write and write and write.

But nothing. My mind is not at it.

Like a boat freely sailing, wandering, on the vastness of the endless sea, my mind seems to be here but nowhere, here but elsewhere. It would be ungrateful to say I feel like a criminal jailed to be stuck in my office chair but that’s how I have been feeling lately.

It took me years to land a job related to my course, Journalism. I have been here for almost three years now and yes, it is fulfilling, tiring, but exciting. But there are days when you want to be as free as a bird. To be a writer tucked under her blanket just reading and writing.

It might be because of age but lately, I have been yearning for a simpler life. A life in a quaint house, by the sea and near the forest where I can wander and wonder. A life without a rushed phase. A life not limited by deadlines. A life not commanded by corporate bosses.

But that kind of life, as simple as it may sound, is too expensive. Expensive because you need money while living a life away from the city and the 9-to-5 job. Because I have responsibilities, and I have a life that isn’t only about me.

It’s been almost two months since I released my debut book, and I am quietly wishing and praying for its success because I dream to be like Lang Leav. Living in New Zealand, writing. But the road to becoming like her seems foggy and bumpy. Am I losing faith? Maybe.

I may not be hungry to make millions for my book, but I am dreaming of living a life as a writer. A creative one. Not someone locked inside a corporate box. But then as the eldest daughter, I got to move. I got to earn. For the family.

How can I pursue my passion and provide for the family? That I have yet to find out. And yes, I am trying to knock doors and windows to turn my dreams into reality.

Like what Ms. Maya Angelou told me again last week, “All great achievements require time.” I need patience and endurance. But most of all faith.

Faith that my time will come. Faith that my book’s time will come. Faith that everything happens for a reason. Faith that no time is wasted. Faith in things I cannot see as of the moment. Faith that He is moving and guiding me.

Easier said than done, I’m trying. Every single day.

For now, let me get back and write the article I need to finish today.

 

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46 thoughts on “Confessions, ramblings, and everything in between

  1. Rosema, sorry to read this post but have in your heart that your voice inspires many people to write. Your book and poetry will find its place in the world and it sits proudly in my bookshelves amongst Stevie Smith, Sylvia Plath, William Wordsworth to name but a few. Keep writing and stay true to your voice and passion. It took me over thirty years to start using mine. Sending thoughts from the UK.

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  2. I know what you’re going through, Rosema because I am currently going through something similar. Keep the faith and keep praying. In due time, things would go your way. Just hang in there.

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  3. “How can I pursue my passion and provide for the family?” -> I understand this question because I ask myself this all the time. I too am the eldest daughter/child and my family depends on me in many ways, least of all is financially. Your dream of writing in a cabin by the sea or to live like Lang Leav, tucked away comfortably in New Zealand and spending your time writing, without worrying about corporate bosses and pressing deadlines, I too have a similar dream. I wish I had the answer to you as to how we are to make this dream a reality. But I have faith in you, my dear Rosema, and I wish you nothing but the best ❤

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  4. I felt a bit sad, reading this, dearest Sister–because I want EVERYTHING for you, want you to have a perfectly happy life NOW. All I can give you is my heart-love, and this wonderful verse: Psalm 37:5, “Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him; and HE SHALL BRING IT TO PASS”! xxooxxooxxoo ❤ ❤ ❤

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  5. Oh my hun I so feel you. The not knowing and the shackles. To feel stuck at a place of my choosing, it is accurate. And just like you I am trying to keep the faith. I’ve stopped asking for the rest, as long as He will help me keep the faith, I know I’ll get there. And so will you. We will. Surely. Love you. 💓

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  6. Oh Rosie!! One of the things I like about you is your intregity! I can see your soul in this prose! And through your honest and humbled way you said the thing most writers of today’s age, shy away or are too toofaced to admit– our creative endeavours need financial fulfilment too.

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    1. Isn’t that what we all want in the end? I do! But I’m so proud of you Rosie!! You have made a milestone by becoming a published author! Not many can say that! And your writinng ability is far off the mark than today’s generation! You have every right to be successful and have your own lazy and quiet blue skied day or days ❤️

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  7. Aww, how in the world did I miss this?! 🤦 My darling darling Rosie, you will fulfill your dreams in time. Getting there is not always easy and you are doing the best you can. I know you are. Trust in yourself. Believe in yourself. Have faith in yourself. You will get there. Faltering is okay, as long as you continue your journey. Every dream needs to be worked on. Very few are lucky enough to get it easily. Just keep holding on, your dreams will come true. As for you being a writer, honey, you already are ❤️❤️❤️

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    1. awwww. my di, you never fail to make my heart swell. with happiness, with gratitude. God has blessed me with amazing friends and i cannot thank Him enough. i love you! a lot. ❤

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  8. Don’t lose your faith… You are one of the great composers in my eyes and one of the best I have ever known…. Keep going… You will be there oneday where you want to be Rose…. My prayers and best wishes always with you…. ❤

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  9. Keep going. Day by day and little by little. More dreams are achieved that way than by large leaps into fame. Even many well known and talented writers went through a lot to get where they are now. Little by little you’ll be okay. God hears your prayers and knows what’s best. 🙏🏻😊💕. Hugs my friend hope you are well.

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  10. Aaw, sending you hugs, dear! I live in New Zealand and would be happy to host you any time! Also, I understand where you’re coming from. I, too, am facing a similar dilemma – I’ve been looking for jobs related to my journalism degree but it’s just so hard. It’s a tough one to crack but like you said, FAITH! Gotta have faith because one day, it will come! ❤ In God's perfect time.

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